Thursday, June 17, 2010

Apparently Jesus Hates Soccer

Ever notice how one day it's May, and then you blink and it's the middle of June and you're all "OOPS I WAS WATCHING THE STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS AND FORGOT ABOUT MY BLAWG LOLZ!!!"?

Yeah, me neither.

Anywayz, check out this stupid shit (from the Huffington Post):

Police say a South African man who wanted to watch a World Cup match instead of a religious program was beaten to death by his family in the northeastern part of the country.

David Makoeya, a 61-year-old man from the small village of Makweya, Limpopo province, fought with his wife and two children for the remote control on Sunday because he wanted to watch Germany play Australia in the World Cup. The others, however, wanted to watch a gospel show.


[Police spokesman Mothemane] said he was not sure what the family used to kill Makoeya.

"It appears they banged his head against the wall," Malefo said. "They phoned the police only after he was badly injured, but by the time the police arrived the man was already dead."

So, I know this is tragic and horrible and everything, but don't you think the irony of this whole situation is just a little bit hilarious? No? Just me, then. I guess I'm a terrible person. Not as terrible as this poor soccer fan's family, of course, but still pretty terrible.

Matthew 5:20-22 says:

"You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.' But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, 'Raca,*' is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell.

Plus, you know, the 9,000 other verses in the Bible that condemn violence. What were these people thinking? Who kills someone so they can watch Gospel TV, which is boring as sin anyway (ha!)? And don't they know that Jesus love soccer?


Seriously, though, FIFA (the organization that runs the World Cup) does a lot of awesome stuff with soccer, including promoting social development in developing nations, helping Africa not suck, and bringing together different countries way better than the U.N. has been able to (FIFA has 16 more member nations). I'm pretty sure Jesus would approve of that. What he would not approve of, however, is BEATING YOUR HUSBAND/FATHER TO DEATH FOR WANTING TO WATCH A FECKING SOCCER GAME!!!! Gospel TV-watching crazy ladies, WTF would Jesus do?

*An Aramaic word meaning "contempt."

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