Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Oh, so THAT'S why the volcano erupted!

So, you may have noticed that this giant* volcano in Iceland exploded and stranded everyone who belongs elsewhere in Europe (including my family. I MISS YOU GUYS!!!!), and everyone who belongs in Europe Elsewhere. Luckily for us, however, we have some insight as to why something like this could have happened. Read on...

From the International Reporter:

Dr. Raj Baldev, Cosmo Theorist, further said, “It is a warning to the human being that too much materialism and ignoring faith in God in any form directly or indirectly or through Nature, had made the basic elements to get annoyed on the uncalled for behavior of human beings, and as a result all natural problems are cropping up one after the other, particularly at this stage when there is a serious problem of Global Warming."
From the Times Online:
Is God angry with Europe? The answer, yes – and the evidence, the Icelandic volcano – or so claims the grandly titled Association of Orthodox Expers.

They see the ash cloud, reports Interfax, as a “menacing sign of God” but the jury is out on the web as to why.

The Association gives two possible explanations – the Nazis – or at least their brand of Aryan “neo-paganism”, a centre has just opened in Iceland, and the usual scapegoat, homosexuality.

“Is it possible that once Christian Europe has forgotten the Holy Scripture and the destiny of Sodom and Gomorrah,” they ask.

From Rush Limbaugh:

“You know, a couple of days after the health care bill had been signed into law, Obama ran around all over the country saying, “Hey, you know, I’m looking around. The earth hadn’t opened up. No Armageddon out there. The birds are still chirping.

I think the earth has opened up. God may have replied. This volcano in Iceland has grounded more airplanes – airspace has more affected – than even after 9/11 because of this plume, because of this ash cloud over Northern and Western Europe. … It’s got everybody just in a shutdown. Earth has opened up. I don’t know whether it’s a rebirth or Armageddon. Hopefully it’s a rebirth, God speaking…”
From HuffPo:

A senior Iranian cleric says women who wear immodest clothing and behave promiscuously are to blame for earthquakes. . . .

"Many women who do not dress modestly ... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes," Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi was quoted as saying by Iranian media. Sedighi is Tehran's acting Friday prayer leader.

From the Economist:

ICELAND has a lot of volcanoes, and it’s a rare decade where one of them doesn’t erupt. So why is the eruption of Eyjafjallajokull causing such chaos, and what does that mean for the future? The answer to the first question is that the Eyjafjallajokull eruption is peculiarly well attuned to messing with air travel; most eruptions of a similar size would do a lot less long-distance harm. The answer to the second is that less well attuned but considerably larger eruptions are all but certain in decades to come. . . .

As these volcanoes go, Eyjafjallajokull is not a very big one. It is, however, particularly good at producing fine-grained ash — the sort of stuff that can hang in the air for days—and it has done so at a time when weather conditions have allowed that ash to be spread to the south east, in a slightly clumpy way, through a great deal of European sky.

The fineness of the ash is, says Thorvaldur Thordarson, an Icelandic volcanologist, unusual. Ash particles are normally in the 50-100 micron (0.05 to 0.1 millimetre) range. But at a site 50km east of the eruption, 24% of the ash falling to the ground was in the form of particles 10 microns or less in size. Studies of ash captured from the air show that for every one of the largest particles (about 300 microns) there are a million or more in the 2 micron range. So though the total volume of the eruption, put at about 0.14 cubic kilometres, is low, the amount of ash capable of travelling long distances is high.

Two factors are contributing to the fineness of the ash. One is the composition of the lava. The more viscous lava is, the harder it is for gases within it to bubble out, so such lava has an explosive tendency. Eyjafjallajokull’s lava is, by Icelandic standards, quite viscous. The other factor is the presence of water. Putting molten lava into direct contact with water or ice also leads to explosions, which again lead to fine dust. A small ice cap on top of Eyjafjallajokull has promoted such shenanigans.

Seriously, who do those crap journalists at the Economist think they are? Obviously, the eruption was caused by God being mad about sluts, health care, gays, neo-Nazis, paganism, materialism and global warming. DUH!

The Economist sucks.**

*Yes, I know that Eyjafjallajokull is not actually all that giant. I just like the sound of a giant volcano exploding.

**By "sucks," I mean "is the best magazine of all time."


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