Sunday, February 28, 2010

A Special Gift For You

Well WTFWJD? doesn't have 1,000 Facebook fans (yet), although the number seems to have gone up quite a bit. So, as a token of my gratitude to you, my gentle readers, I offer you this belated anniversary present. Enjoy. (via Savage Mike)

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Yesterday I saw ashes on some guy's head, realized it was Ash Wednesday, and felt like a bad Catholic

But then I saw this and I felt better about myself. Happy Lent!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

This is really hard to watch

Because I want to love the Catholic Church, and I know that certain groups within it are doing some really great work, but it just makes me super mad that I had to grow up with this bullshit. Needless to say, Stephen Fry cleans their clock.

The Intelligence² Debate - Stephen Fry (Unedited)
Uploaded by Xrunner17. - Full seasons and entire episodes online.

(Thanks to Dafydd, who I can't help but imagine spelled his name that way on purpose)

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

WTFWJD? is turning one!

So, WTFWJD? is turning one on February 19th. I realize that I've been conspicuously absent for a good chunk of the time this blog has been in existence, but a birthday is still an exciting thing, dammit, and I want to celebrate.

I know you're all wondering what I want for WTFWJD?'s birthday, and luckily for you, the answer is pretty simple: I want 1,000 Facebook fans.

So, if you haven't already, go here:

WTFWJD? on Facebook

Become a fan and invite your friends. Obviously, it's WTF Jesus would do.

p.s. If WTFWJD? gets 1,000 Facebook fans by the 19th, I will do something really, really special and awesome for you.

Obama's a Douche! Condoms Give You AIDS! I Want My Mom! Waaaaaa!!!!!

While scouring the Internet for the best, most offensive stories of Christans being douchebags, I came across a little gem from the Collins Report. Before we get in to it, however, I think we should address the question that's clearly on everyone's mind: what is the Collins Report? Well, gentle readers, you'll be glad to know that I have no idea. I tried to do some research to see if anyone had said anything about said Collins Report, but apparently it exists mainly in it's own little fishbowl, with some brief mentions from other neo-conservative blogs.

Here's what I do know:
1. It's written by some guy who calls himself "Coach."
2. He frequently calls Barney Frank a "pig" (kind of ironic, considering "Coach" used to be a cop).
3. He claims that "Obamacare" will lead to a "rationing of health care as is done in Canada."*

That's as far as I got before I felt as though I had learned enough. So, without further delay, from the Collins Report:

Democrats like to say “A fish rots from the head down.” Where are they now that Harry Knox, a militant homosexual advisor to Obama, has once again attacked the Catholic Church?

Knox, Obama’s Faith Based Advisor, has renewed his attack on Pope Benedict XVI charging he is trying to use the name of Jesus to hurt people by stating that condoms increase the spread of AIDS in Africa; as if they don’t.

Just another Gay activist willing to lie

To the pseudo religious Left condoms are a sacrament they’ll go to war to defend.
In the “oh so suave and sophisticated” world of Obama, and those he surrounds himself with, it’s not politically correct to ever challenge the effectiveness of condoms because they provide the type of hedonistic non-judgmental freedom that is at the very core of their lifestyle.

The “Beautiful people” will never admit it but condoms had a very serious failure rate of over 30% in a University of Texas report. The study was an examination of eleven independent surveys whose findings went beyond a mathematical failure rate to an explanation of why the failures happen.

Wow. All right, Coach. Let's have a chat about 'facts.'

FACT: "Gay" does not need to be capitalized.

FACT: The Pope is a douche.

FACT: You cannot construct a sentence.

FACT: Condoms protect against HIV.

Let's expand on that last fact, shall we? I mean, just because I have a blog doesn't mean I'm any kind of certifiable expert on anything. In fact, there are very few questions I can answer without doing some research. Luckily for my readers, however, I know how to find unbiased sources. With all that in mind, here's the official plain language summary of that study you cited (unless you're talking about another one done by University of Texas' branch of Campus Crusaide for Christ):
Sexual intercourse and contact with contaminated blood products (e.g., intravenous drug use) account for the majority of HIV infections. The wearing of condoms during sexual intercourse has been promoted to reduce the infection and spread of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) such as HIV. The review of studies found that condoms, when used consistently, substantially reduced HIV infection but did not totally eliminate the risk of infection.
As it turns out, Coach, condoms are about 85% effective in preventing the spread of HIV among heterosexual couples. If my calculations are correct, that makes them 85% more effective than unprotected sex, which is what Pope Nazipants told Africa to have (albeit monogomously, like that's realistic. Oh look! An entire continent full of monogomous people! How quaint!). Nope, the fact of the matter is that just because you don't want condoms to work doesn't mean they don't. They do. They're awesome. Sex is fun.

Exodus 20:16 says:
You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.
Psalm 5:6 says:
You destroy those who tell lies;
bloodthirsty and deceitful men
the LORD abhors.
Proverbs 24:28 says:
Do not testify against your neighbor without cause,
or use your lips to deceive.
1 Peter 3:10 says:
"Whoever would love life
and see good days
must keep his tongue from evil
and his lips from deceitful speech.
I think you get the picture. Lying is wrong. It says so in the Bible. You can check it if you don't believe me. WTFWJD?

*I lived in Canada for much of my life, and witnessed no rationing of healthcare. FYI.

Monday, February 8, 2010

The Gospel: People Doing WTF Jesus Would Do - Pt. 1

Welcome to The Gospel: People Doing WTF Jesus Would Do. It's a new thing I'm trying on for size. See, every once in a while I get good news that pops up in my mailbox, and I want to share it with you guys. So here it is: the first edition of The Gospel. Enjoy.

Evangelical Christian Lobbyist is Awesome, Gets Fired, Then Comes Back With a Vengance

From Newsweek (courtesy of Morgan):

Richard Cizik remembers it this way: he had just come home from a week in Australia and was about to jet off to Paris when he sat down on Dec. 2, 2008 for

A few minutes later, she asked the question that would cost Cizik his job: "Have you changed on gay marriage?"

"I'm shifting," Cizik answered, truthfully, "I have to admit. In other words, I would willingly say I believe in civil unions."

Now, this wouldn't be particularly impressive were it not for the fact that Cizik had been the Washington lobbyist for the National Association of Evangelicals for over 30 years. Unfortunately for Cizik, however, these remarks cost him his job. But the story doesn't end there.
After a year of keeping a low profile, Cizik is "making a comeback," as he puts it. This week he announces the formation of the New Evangelical Partnership for the Common Good, a group devoted to developing Christian responses to global and political issues such as environmentalism, nuclear disarmament, human rights, and dialogue with the Muslim world. . . . For years, Cizik has been saying that the evangelical right needs to reframe its politics, to walk away from divisive name calling and find common ground with opponents, even on hot-button issues like abortion and gay marriage.
Way to go, Mr. Cizik. Walkin' the path of the righteous, you are. Nice work.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage Should be Illegal

(via reddit)

  1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control.

  2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people can’t legally get married because the world needs more children.

  3. Obviously, gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

  4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage is allowed, since Britney Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.

  5. Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are property, blacks can’t marry whites, and divorce is illegal.

  6. Gay marriage should be decided by people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of the minorities.

  7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.

  8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

  9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

  10. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why single parents are forbidden to raise children.

  11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven’t adapted to things like cars or longer life-spans.

  12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a “separate but equal” institution is always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages for gays and lesbians will.

Hilarious People in San Francisco Protest Westboro Baptist Church

(Via Laughing Squid)

I'm having trouble picking a favorite. Nice work, guys.

Since God punished Haiti for making a deal with Satan, I guess it's cool if we jack their kids (also, I'm back)

Sup, guys? Are you still there? Will I still come up on your RSS feeds? DO YOU STILL LOVE ME?!?!?!

Turns out these days I have more free time than I did last semester. This is probably because I am taking a heavier course load and thus have more procrastinating to do. Anyway, I thought it'd be nice to loudly complain about an entire religion on the Internet again. It's good for the soul, you know.

While you'll likely find that I won't update this as often as I did when I was slacking at my desk job, I do think it's fair to say that I'll be updating with some regularity for the foreseeable future. Hope that's kosh with you guys.

So anyway, on to Haiti. I'm sure you all heard about what a phenomenal douchebag Pat Robertson is. If not, check this out:

But, as it turns out, the fundies have yet to finish exploiting this unspeakable tragedy for their own twisted purposes. See the following (from the Vancouver Sun):
Members of a U.S. Christian group face accusations of child trafficking in Haiti after being stopped at the Dominican Republic border with 33 children they said were orphaned in the Jan. 12 earthquake.

Five men and five women, members of the Baptist group New Life Children's Refuge, have been held since Friday in Port-au-Prince, Agence France-Presse reported Monday.

Haitian authorities said the Americans have no documents showing the children are orphans and no permission to take them away.

"We have information about people trying to steal kids to take them out of the country, which is the reason why the government has decided to reinforce security," AFP quoted Haitian Communications Minister Marie-Laurence Lassegue as saying.
Now, I realize that nobody's been convicted of anything (yet), but for the sake of argument, let's assume these allegations are true and that this organization really thought it was a good idea to kidnap Haitian children. Let's see what the Bible has to say on that subject, shall we?

Exodus 12:16 says:
Anyone who kidnaps another and either sells him or still has him when he is caught must be put to death.
I think you all know how I feel about putting people to death (in case you don't, I think it's bad). I think you also know how I feel about the bulk of the Old Law that appears in Exodus and Leviticus (also bad). But Baptists, i.e. literal interpretationists, i.e. fundamentalists believe in the verbatim truth of the Bible, and therefore they believe that it is wrong to kidnap. You know... unless you're saving heathen babies from a life of sin and bringing them to loving, Christian parents who will teach them the way of the Lord and make sure they don't turn out gay or something.

Wait... nope... still wrong. OOPS, New Life Children's Refuge! WTF would Jesus do?

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